Great Expectations

You can't always get what you want. You often get what you need. But more often that not, you do get what you expect.

I expected last weekend to be fun. It was. I made lots of plans, had two parties on Friday, both involved dancing -always a good sign, got home at 4 a.m. Saturday had great food at a friend's house and spent lovely evening visiting. I expected to do poorly on my first round of exams. I did. I did not know what to expect, when I haphazardly decided to spend a few months in Tunisia. And I've experienced a range of all things fun, entertaining, enjoyable, frustrating, and aggravating. Which is the only logical result of living anywhere for more than ten minutes. But now I have to go about developing expectations for the remainder of my time here. Otherwise I may fall into the trap of expecting to little and getting just that.

Many fellow international students here have reached the saturation point, are tired of all things Tunisian and are looking forward to leaving. During my very entertaining last weekend, my friend Eri had our class over for a delicious Japanese dinner. (Oh my god, she can cook! I'd get so fat if I were married to this woman. Esther is a more appropriate cooking partner, heavy on the fruits, vegetables and while we love our Swiss chocolate, we do eat more at lunch and opt for lighter dinners.) Well, during this decadent Japanese feast, our conversations turned to plans of leaving, and one of our Spanish friends commented that the only reason she is here is to learn Arabic not to really to get to know Tunisia. I know where this comes from, she's tired. She's fed up with unfriendly comments in streets. But what a terrible way to study a language, for what? Itself? A language is an empty, sad thing without its speakers to breath life into it. Speakers of course include its artists, musicians, poets, and writers. So even if you have no friends, love the music, read some books, even in translation. Love the city, walking about, getting lost in souks and taking the metro only 20 minutes out of the city to land at the beautiful beach at La Marsa. I always, always love my cities. Boston is the city I will always love the most. But I have loved each one. I love Tunis for the sunshine, the vegetables markets, the view of the sea, the lake, and the mountains when I do my weekend morning runs up in the parc Belvedere. Am even experiencing new found love for the crazy women at my gym who connect me to Tunisia, even if they walk forever on tread mills and snap at me for "running too fast and breaking the machines."

Expectations can really shape our interactions with people. My friend Clementine has had many unfortunate experiences with Tunisians. She is Rwandan and encounters racist comments and behavior from taxi drivers, people in the streets, and even from the occasional instructor at the Bourguiba school! This behavior is inexcusable, but unfortunately these negative experiences have caused her to expect it. So she braces herself for it, acts aggressively and sometimes the taxi driver, or waiter is rude because he is reacting to her aggression not race. Yet, I think that she does not see that its her low expectations that people are willing to meet.

When foreign women expect men to be rude, and I can willingly admit that I am perhaps one of the worst examples, we might invite more rude behavior than if we walked about giving off airs of genuine indifference rather than aggressive disdain. I am not suggesting that our expectations necessarily cause poor behavior in others. But if we expect the guy in the marlet to cheat us with prices, he will observe how we are behaving, probably justifiably be offended and then be inclined to increase his prices. It was the "tax de peau" in Niamey. There's a cafe a few blocks from my house and I've paid three different prices for a cafe direct. But I am nice to everyone there and they let me study in peace. So what's an extra 50 cents from time to time? I have a great affection for my vendors at the market, and I don't think I've ever paid an unreasonable price. I'm nice to them. I expect them to be nice to me. And they invariably are.

So as I attempt to prepare for my final round of exams, I'm going to be pleased with what I've learned. Will try not to judge myself too harshly, a nearly impossible task for me. I expect that I will do slightly better than I did in March. But more importantly, I expect that I will continue to improve my Arabic beyond the exams. I know that I outstrip many of my classmates in "la vie Tunisienne" and that's a valuable measure of my success here. I'll stay until August. I am going to continue "teaching" my informal and endless weight lifting and yoga classes at the gym. I'll be better about long coffees, and taking lots of afternoon trips to La Marsa to swim in the Mediterranean. I'll study at Cafe Etoile du Nord. I'll go out dancing with Khaoula. And I expect to have a great time.