This Week in God (beep-boob-boo-beep-beep)

Photos: The cathedral in Tunis, the Synagogue in Tunis, and the great mosque of Kairouan.



















The only bad thing about Stephen Colbert leaving the Daily Show in order to host his own was the end of the This-Week-in-God segment. Using his God-o-meter Stephen would beep-boob-boo-bee-beep his way into some news pieces on the antics of a tiny religious sect or the shenanigans of one of the major world players as they smite others and in so doing ignore their own religious tenets. Sometimes snide and offering biting criticism, sometimes just pointing out the absurd, it was always hilarious. If it were still running, I could pass along a number of worthy tidbits from the past week to the Daily Show writers.

A friend of a friend was over for coffee earlier this week. Our discussions ranged from relationships and sex (only reasonable as we were eating Lindt) to Tunisian politics, to poetry. Israel came up; I don't remember how or why. I give this young woman credit, because she clarified that it's not the Jews rather Israelis she has a problem with concerning the rights of Palestinians. I agree with her on points of Israel's non-compliance with UN resolutions, the separation wall, and the settlement expansion in the West Bank. It was only days earlier that Obama gave his carefully worded criticism of the development of new settlements, which was followed by Joe Liberman's reiteration of U.S. support of Israel and Netanyahu's brother-in-law calling the U.S. president anti-Semitic. Sigh. However, when she (the friend of the friend) says that she directs her frustration towards Israelis then I think, what of the Israeli peace activists? What of Martin Buber and the binational Zionists, who basically wanted to escape an actually anti-Semitic Europe, immigrate to British Mandate Palestine, and live peacefully along side the current residents of the land (like immigration everywhere, in principle). From reading Haaretz, it seems that there are people in Israel who are pro-peace and pro-Palestinian rights. I feel it would be good for people in Tunisia to know this, to know that many Israelis do not agree on these issues. In this discussion my solution was to grab a book of Mahmoud Darwish's poetry (we had already discovered our mutual admiration) and turn to a poem wherein Darwish describes a young couple, a Jewish girl and a Palestinian boy (and they have a daughter "and she'd be Jewish by birth"). We ended on a note that if Darwish can see a possible future, than so can we...inch'allah.

Later that week, while innocently copying pages of a book, and chatting with the nice guy who works at the photocopy shop, a guy walked in, greeted everyone, noticed I am foreign and started guessing where I am from. Italy? Spain? (Thank you dark hair!) France? No, the U.S. Oh, Obama! Do you like Obama? Yes, I like Obama. Ensuing non-interesting conversation about how the photocopier-guy looks like Obama (okay, he kind of does). Followed by conversation about how the U.S. congress is run by Jews and that Jews control all the money in the world. Sigh. I said that there were very few Jews in the American congress. He didn't seem convinced. I said that I didn't think Bill Gates was Jewish (maybe he is, I have no idea). Well, the guy didn't seem interested in my comments and after clearly not listening to me, walked out the door in the direction of the huge and beautiful synagogue in my neighborhood. At that moment I recalled an e-mail I had recently received from the Jewish Voice for Peace, on additional Passover questions wherein a Rabbi described ways to discuss peace in Israel at the Passover Seder. He advocated adding an olive to the Seder plate to recall the shared traditions of Arabs and Jews. (See the link below if you are interested.) At that moment, I wanted to apologize to this rabbi and to the people at JVP; they deserve better that this fool in the photocopy shop (and those who think like him). On my way back home I passed the Kosher butcher shop (sign on his door is in Hebrew, Arabic and French) and saw it was closed. I wondered what whether the genius from the photocopier thought that the local butcher was one of these rich Jews who ruled the world. In seeing the abandoned shop, I entertained the stupid fear that he had a run-in with the aforementioned gentleman. Then I realized it was Passover. Three guys were sitting out front the butcher shop drinking coffee and chatting. Whenever he's closed it seems that someone is sitting outside his shop on folding chairs drinking coffee. Do they watch it for him? Does someone need to? I'd love to ask.

Apparently David Patreaus also sees the importance of addressing this issue. In my catching up on American news, I was shocked and pleasantly surprised to read a piece that included comments General Patreaus made to congress concerning progress in "the region." He stated that no matter how the U.S. troops progress in Iraq and Afghanistan, Americans will not be able to meet strategic goals without addressing the Israel/Palestine conflict which lies at the heart of the issue for most Arabs when it comes to U.S. involvement in the Middle East. I am officially impressed with a U.S. general. That's a first. Now let's see if anyone in congress listens to him.

Then there have been a plethora of other religiously themed news pieces and none of them good. There was Glenn Beck telling his listeners (and me via Stephen Colbert) to leave their churches if on the church websites there is any mention of Social Justice. I mean, can we blame Glenn for failing to know that the Popes have been writing encyclicals on Social Justice for years, and years? These encyclicals are even pro-union and protecting worker’s rights! Maybe he's not Catholic and he does not know this? But even having to think about Christians being anti-social justice is exhausting. Then there are the multitude of articles from the U.S. and Europe, on the endless parade of cases of Catholic priest sexually torturing children and the pope's compliance, even endorsement of shielding these priests from civil prosecution. (Note: I am borrowing the phrase "sexual torture" from a columnist, I think from Salon.com. I felt that describing the behavior of priests in this way was stronger and therefore more appropriate than the term "abuse"). Then there were the comments on those articles, the Pope's denial of wrongdoing or rather his non-response to whatever new allegations there are. There's even a petition circulating in Great Britain to stop the Pope from visiting this fall! Apparently over 10,000 have signed. Then back to African news articles and more violence erupting between the Christians and Muslims in Nigeria, many killed, I don't remember how many.

I miss This-Week-in-God, as I am not finding any of this funny on my own.

Maybe in need of religious uplifting, maybe because there's nothing to do here at night, I went to mass on a Saturday night at 9 p.m. It was the Veillee Pascale mass, it began at 9 p.m. and ended at 11:30. The cathedral in Tunis was filled with the Catholics one would find in Tunisia, bluish-haired, wrinkled white people (maybe some expats and maybe some tourists) and young black people, all seeming to be roughly 25, all attractive, well dressed, and elegant. Ah, the Church's past (old, rich, white Europeans) and its future (non-English speaking, non-European, non-white). The mass began beautifully beginning in darkness, we passed around candles, and lit the candles row by row. Lovely. Then after a long and very drawn out prelude, the liturgy began. Ester leans over her friend Amin (who is sandwiched between us so he can ask of each of us questions about what's going on) and says with genuine concern in her eyes, "they are starting with Genesis?" After Genesis, we read from Exodus, and Ezekiel, and Isaiah, and who is Baruc in English? Well, then we read from the book that is called Baruc in French. By the time we reached like the 18th reading it was clear: Ester was bored, Amin was bored, Ester's poor siblings who flew in that afternoon from Milano, after driving to Milano from Switzerland, were also bored. Me? I was fascinated the whole time. One, I had my candle to play with and Amin kept trying to blow it out. It was like being at church with my brother Patrick when we were kids! Two, it was kind of fun explaining the Catholic mass to a 22 year old Muslim. But I didn’t know what to tell Amin about the standing and kneeling. After kneeling or sitting or standing for the 800th time Amin lets out a very audible "oh putain," which means “oh whore,” but is more like an “oh damn it,” but stronger, but not quite as strong as “oh fuck.” No matter how you translate it, not a great thing to say at mass. I was temporarily terrified to see how others would react. Happily, I realized that the people in the row in front of us were of the old white tourist type who blessedly were Anglophone and therefore took no offence to the putain comment. Then when Amin was not offering entertainment, I had all these amazing African women and their hair and clothes to admire. Oh, the hair extensions, the braids, the wigs, waxed hair, straighten or curled hair, dyed, and highlighted. It was incredible. And they were dressed to the nines. There were women dressed in silk a la the typical Nigerien boubous, long flowy, silky dresses that billow about and make the wearer look positively royal. Some wore the matching top and bottom set made of high quality, waxy African cotton, printed in bold colors and striking designs. When I decided it was rude to stare, I also could try to work on my French and actually listen to the readings. Or take time to admire the beautiful cathedral. But above all there was the choir. They sang a responsorial psalm in between each reading. They were elegant, sounded like bells, crisp and ringing in a clear tone. Their alleluia made me want to be Catholic forever. Oh, God they sounded amazing! Then, they sang in Ki-Swahili, and I decided I would not miss another Sunday mass. They sang this song that managed to be soft, sweet, uplifting, and energetic while they, dressed all in white, waved white, pom-pom looking things above their heads. Glorious. They could raise the dead with this music. A person might be facing the white light of heaven and turn back to hear this African choir signing in the one cathedral in Tunisia. The kiss of peace was lovely, at the end of mass the choir kept singing just for fun. People were cheery, and kissing on checks in the aisles. I liked it almost as much as midnight mass.

So, as my butcher closed shop while he celebrated Passover and said “next year in Jerusalem,” I think about all these little Jewish neighborhoods I've passed in various Tunisian towns that have faded away as many residents actually moved to Jerusalem. Then I go to mass with a Muslim who is as bored as my own siblings would be, but he's polite and curious and laughs about the standing and kneeling in a friendly way. I think we should attend one another's long Seders, and sit, stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel and find everything interesting at mass save the priest. Then we should eat everyone's delicious holiday food, and recall being bored by everyone's endless prayers, and poke gentle fun at ourselves and one another. We should be able to recognize our own religious failings, and laugh, if they are in fact funny. But when faced with Catholic priests being criminals and torturing children, and the irony of Passover prayers recalling slavery in Egypt as Palestinians are denied freedom, and anti-Semitic beliefs such as "Jews control all the money on earth," well, I’m at a loss for a good response. Stephen, we really need This-Week-in-God. Can't you fit in into The Colbert Report?